"I am playing with myself,
I am playing with the world's soul,
I am the dialogue between myself and el espiritu del mundo.
I change myself, I change the world."

Gloria AnzaldĂșa

29 November, 2008

Self Medication

This Thursday I received a lovely note from my friend, BipolarLawyerCook, who wished me a good Thanksgiving, no matter what substances I had to take in order to get through it.

Well, this has been a rough month. I've had stomach and other related illnesses, I've had to change my antidepressant because it wasn't working anymore, and, of course, I ended my relationship and moved back to my old house--largely by myself. So, when I think about self medicating, I'm serious. On Wednesday, I decided it was either heroin or this:

This is Bess.

Bess is four months old and almost 14 pounds. The folks at the humane society thought she was a 10 week old Lab, but she is not. She has tiny ears, a short nose, and a tail that curls up. She is also quite small. I am not at all sure what she is, except darling. Any thoughts?

12 November, 2008

Heidi's Coming (hide your heart girls) (apologies to Three Dog Night)

You all remember my BFF, Heidi

Well, we were talking the other day, and she said she really dreads this first Christmas without Eion. I understood. After all, I'm rather dreading the holidays (and my 50th birthday) without a partner, and we weren't together nearly as long. And S. , thankfully, is alive and well.

We both bemoaned the fact that neither of us could afford to travel to be with the other. Indeed, if Heidi could come here, she could see her sons and her other American friends.

So I got to thinking.

Could each of us afford half of the air fare and the dog boarding? I looked it up. I could. I called her. She could. And she could get off of work.

And so, Heidi's coming to San Antonio for my birthday, Christmas, and New Years!!!

And Michelle's talking about coming up after the first of the year, too. Yea!!!

07 November, 2008

Embarrassing Personal Revelation #892

Joni Mitchell once wrote, "All I really, really want our love to do is to bring out the best in me and in you, too."

It didn't.

My partner and I have separated. We tried. We really tried.

I am embarrassed to admit this. I even considered erasing this blog from the internet so that I would not embarrass myself or her. But my whole purpose in blogging was to have some kind of a community where I could be open and explore my writing in a personal way. You have shared the good things with me. You have seen my ugly 5K Ass Project photos. It would feel cowardly to just disappear.

Plus, I could use the support.