"I am playing with myself,
I am playing with the world's soul,
I am the dialogue between myself and el espiritu del mundo.
I change myself, I change the world."

Gloria AnzaldĂșa

01 November, 2015

We are Born and Born Again

I have a wisdom tooth inside my crowded face
I have a friend who is a born-again
Found his savior's grace
I was born before my father
And my children before me
We are born and born again
Like waves of the sea
That's the way it's always been
That's how I want it to be 
Paul Simon

I have always loved this song--it's one of my favorites. It combines my love of the romantic era and the concept of the wisdom of children that is lost with age, "I was born before my father and my children before me," with the truth of my own experience, "We are born and born again." This morning--this all souls day--I am hearing this song again. 

This morning I clicked on one of those silly Facebook things. It looks at your profile pics over the last few years and picks the most representative profile pictures to show your change over the years. The picture for 2014 was one of my favorite baby pictures.

I jokingly said to my friends, what? Was I born again in 2014?

Almost immediately I realized, of course I was. I was pretty sick the last few years--mostly, it turns out, because of my diet. In November of 2014, when we could no longer control my blood sugar with the pills I had been taking, I started cutting foods out of my diet and testing my blood sugar frequently. Finally, I realized I had to give up anything that contained sugar or wheat, along with a number of starchy things. And so, I consider my "sugar sobriety" to have begun December 1, 2014. I was born again in 2014.

One of the changes I've made in my life is a re-commitment to building a community of spiritual family. I've made changes in the way I pursue my life as an alcoholic in long term recovery. I am trying to become more "in the middle" of the group I regularly attend. This is hard for me. I tend to distrust people.

I've also gone back to my church family. Thankfully, they have been accepting of the fact that I leave and return on a regular basis. I am, I suppose, the prodigal daughter.

So, after the Facebook epiphany this morning, I get dressed and go to church, where the sermon was on rebirth and resurrection. And here's the thing: the resurrection is now, says my pastor. The resurrection is now. We can walk away from death, from addiction, from isolation--we can be unbound.  And we are born and born again like waves of the sea.

Yay.