Professor J's Place

12 November, 2008

Heidi's Coming (hide your heart girls) (apologies to Three Dog Night)

You all remember my BFF, Heidi

Well, we were talking the other day, and she said she really dreads this first Christmas without Eion. I understood. After all, I'm rather dreading the holidays (and my 50th birthday) without a partner, and we weren't together nearly as long. And S. , thankfully, is alive and well.

We both bemoaned the fact that neither of us could afford to travel to be with the other. Indeed, if Heidi could come here, she could see her sons and her other American friends.

So I got to thinking.

Could each of us afford half of the air fare and the dog boarding? I looked it up. I could. I called her. She could. And she could get off of work.

And so, Heidi's coming to San Antonio for my birthday, Christmas, and New Years!!!

And Michelle's talking about coming up after the first of the year, too. Yea!!!



Blogger phd in yogurtry said...

What an excellent plan! For all concerned. Especially that it spares you the dreading.

November 12, 2008 at 8:50 AM  
Anonymous allmycke said...

It was the dreading that made me decide to go to Vancouver over Christmas and New Years... My son's 30th birthday on December 19th was a perfect reason all by itself - but it was thinking about the holidays that got me off my derriere1

November 12, 2008 at 8:57 AM  
Blogger Ginaagain said...

Wonderful! You need each other this year.

November 12, 2008 at 9:20 AM  
Blogger Mike Golch said...

if that will help the both of you that that is a well thought out plan! Hugs.

November 12, 2008 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Lisa Milton said...

That's fabulous. I know how hard it can be to work these things out.

November 12, 2008 at 10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


November 12, 2008 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger The Other Laura said...

Wonderful! Your holidays will be so much more fun with a good friend to share them with.

November 12, 2008 at 11:23 AM  
Blogger Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Totally excellent. I love the collaborative process that emanates from estrogen.

November 12, 2008 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Having something wonderful ahead to look forward to is the best ting, and, I think, the real meaning of life. :) enjoy!

November 12, 2008 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger Cha Cha said...

Hurray! I have been thinking about you and am glad to see good things on the horizon for you. Heartbreak is the perfect excuse for travel.

November 12, 2008 at 4:57 PM  
Blogger K. said...

Everyone should have a Heidi (and/or a Professor J.)

November 12, 2008 at 5:31 PM  
Blogger Claire B. said...

I'm glad you have a visit to look forward to! I just spent a weekend with my BFF on the other side of the country. We've been friends for 46 of our 46 years. It was good for my soul. So glad Heidi's coming!

November 12, 2008 at 5:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm really looking forward to you getting to Grief Stage 3; Susan doesn't deserve you focusing all that concern on her.

The 7 Stages of Grief
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

November 12, 2008 at 6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is: Take Care of YOU!!!!!

November 12, 2008 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger Professor J said...

Dear Anonymous: I don't know who you are (I guess that's because you didn't give your name) or how you know me. But I thank you for your concern. I get that you want me to be happy. But please don't use my blog to say anything negative about Susan. I don't think it is necessary in order to show your support of me.

November 12, 2008 at 9:17 PM  
Anonymous apathy lounge said...

I'm thrilled beyond words for you! So glad you have someone in your life like Heidi. Everyone needs a Heidi.

November 12, 2008 at 10:23 PM  
Blogger Saucy said...

This is exactly what you need this year. So glad you are doing this. Good thinking, Professor J!

November 13, 2008 at 12:14 AM  
Blogger Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

What a great idea. I'm sure you'll have an amazing time.

November 13, 2008 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger Sojourner said...

Yay! I hope Heidi is still there when Jen and I come down, cause I would love to meet her. We will be working out the details this weekend.

November 14, 2008 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Scout said...

Great how everything worked out. You'll have a great time, I'm sure.

November 14, 2008 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger Minnesota Matron said...

Mental Health Holiday Plan A. You've written it.

November 15, 2008 at 9:24 PM  
Blogger Tui said...

Hurray for friends and the healing power of friendship. :) ~Tui

November 17, 2008 at 1:10 AM  
Blogger Peggy Sez.. said...

Just look what you can do when you put your mind(s) to it. Sounds like your holidays are going to be great!

November 18, 2008 at 6:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great solution! I'm glad to hear you'll have good company over the holidays and to share your 50th.

And I'm sorry to hear about the split with Susan. Hope somebody wonderful is heading your way.

November 25, 2008 at 11:35 AM  
Blogger JCK said...

Brilliant idea! So glad you'll have some lovely company.

December 4, 2008 at 12:21 AM  

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