Professor J's Place

07 November, 2008

Embarrassing Personal Revelation #892

Joni Mitchell once wrote, "All I really, really want our love to do is to bring out the best in me and in you, too."

It didn't.

My partner and I have separated. We tried. We really tried.

I am embarrassed to admit this. I even considered erasing this blog from the internet so that I would not embarrass myself or her. But my whole purpose in blogging was to have some kind of a community where I could be open and explore my writing in a personal way. You have shared the good things with me. You have seen my ugly 5K Ass Project photos. It would feel cowardly to just disappear.

Plus, I could use the support.


Anonymous allmycke said...

At the beginning of August, my life changed in ways I never would have imagined even a month or two earlier. I was really hurting.
When I wrote about it on my blog, I got more support than what I could have dreamed of.
I am so glad I had a place to sort things out at, to vent (sometimes) and pour some of all those feelings into....
I'm here and probably hundreds of others - ready to step up and be a shoulder to lean on, an ear to chew at or a hand to hold.

November 7, 2008 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger The Other Laura said...

Oh Professor J! I am truly sorry.

I'm sending you good thoughts today.

(There's nothing embarrassing about having a relationship fail. It has happen to everyone.)

November 7, 2008 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger we_be_toys said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear ya'll broke up! I wish there was something wise or profound I could say, other than I am so very sorry to hear the sad news. I'm sending you a big hug right now, because you are infinitely loveable and I feel sure you will find love again.

(This sounds so trite and pappy, but I DO mean it.)

November 7, 2008 at 9:59 AM  
Blogger Mary Alice said...

Professor J, it is all the moments of our lives, all our experiences, all the people who are with us for a season or a lifetime, all the good things, the bad things, the beautiful things and the things that are ugly that make us who we are at any moment in time. We are constantly evolving…or should be….and I think that your readers will stand by you as you continue with this journey called life. My best to both you and Susan.

November 7, 2008 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger phd in yogurtry said...

I'm so sorry. It's so hard recovering from a break up. Especially when you shared a home.

But why embarrassed? Were you warned against? A previous post may tell me the answer (link, please?)

November 7, 2008 at 10:28 AM  
Blogger Claire B. said...

Oh, Prof J, I'm so very sorry.

We all adore you, we're here for you, and we feel the pain right along with you. There is nothing easy about relationships whether they end or not. Good for the two of you for trying and realizing what is best for you.

Be well and healthy, and take care of you.

November 7, 2008 at 10:39 AM  
Blogger Peggy Sez.. said...

I am so sorry and of course you had to tell us..Friends listen.

Take care,you are in my thoughts.

Damn thats sounds scary in itself, you should see whats in there :)

November 7, 2008 at 10:46 AM  
OpenID jenontheedge said...

I am so very sorry.

I am sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

November 7, 2008 at 12:43 PM  
Blogger Professor J said...

Thank you friends. And why embarrassed? Because I thought this was "the one" and I told you all as much.

November 7, 2008 at 1:23 PM  
Blogger K. said...

Maybe she was "the one" for a while? There's nothing to be embarrassed about, love isn't logical or smart, it is what it is and I'm so sorry that it's over.

I don't know you well Professor J, but I would be SO PISSED (and sad) if you just disappeared. I want to find out what happens next, and support you on your way to it. That's as good a definition of friendship as any.

Thanks for being brave and sticking it out here with us. We won't let you regret it.

November 7, 2008 at 2:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa Milton said...

I am so very sorry. Please take care.

(Thank you for your kind words this morning. Community? I count on it too.)

November 7, 2008 at 2:34 PM  
Blogger Irish Goddess said...

Oh, I am so sorry for you. I hope you both find strenth and comfort. You said you tried and tried, no one can ask more. Know that there are many of us out here thinking of you and sending you warm hugs.

November 7, 2008 at 3:59 PM  
Blogger Laura/CenterDownHome said...

I can't say it any better than Mary Alice. Our culture uses phrases like "the one" and "last forever", but sometimes even something really good, that is meant to be in your life, isn't meant to last forever. Why does that make it "less than"? Some people stay together forever out of simple inertia.

Holding you in the Light --


November 7, 2008 at 6:17 PM  
Blogger Mrs. G. said...

Well hellz bellz I'm glad you didn't delete this blog about YOUR life (which Susan is one part of).

At our age, embarrassment is a huge waste of time. You were heartfelt in expressing your love and there is nothing wrong with that...but love is tricky and that is a frickin' frackin' fact.

While I know it's tempting--don't go into hiding.

November 7, 2008 at 6:37 PM  
Blogger Sunshine said...

Sweetie very sorry. Hope there are some people who can help you put your heart back together.


November 7, 2008 at 6:56 PM  
Blogger Saucy said...

Well isn't this a fine day? Hmph! First Miss Lisa finds her little problem over there and she is a bundle of worry and now this to fret over. Whatever are the lot of us to do?

Good on you for posting it. We needed to know so we can be there for you. Things are going to get better - breakups certainly suck.

November 7, 2008 at 9:11 PM  
Blogger Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

As usual Mrs. G and Mary Alice have all the right things to say.

We're here for you.

November 7, 2008 at 9:37 PM  
Blogger so NOT cool said...

Oh, how I wish that I had the most sage and comforting words to fill this space. I can only say that I'm sorry and that my small comment offers support in some way.

Some years back, I disappeared from the internet. I regretted it so much. I thought that it would be like purging my house where I would feel better afterwards, but I didn't. Just move forward, I say. It's all that I can offer besides my heartfelt best wishes for you.

November 8, 2008 at 8:27 PM  
Blogger so NOT cool said...

*that I hope my small comment offers support in some way.

November 8, 2008 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger Cha Cha said...

Professor J., you left such kind, encouraging words on my blog in response to my current post-break-up funk ... and you didn't even mention this. You poor dear.

Well, what I have learned thus far ... do blog about it, because you will be amazed at the support you will receive. And it's cathartic.

Beyond that? I'm eating a lot of pudding.

Don't be embarrassed b/c you said this was "The One." B/c if you're embarrassed, then I have to be embarrassed about that, too. I'd been fixing up my house ... to sell when we got married. Which I had told evvvvvveryone.

The truth is that the people who love us want us to be happy and will never say "Yeah, but you said ..." And everybody else? Fuck 'em.

Be kind to yourself. We will both get through these things. And I'm so glad you introduced yourself - I will be back.

November 9, 2008 at 1:18 PM  
Blogger Jozet at Halushki said...

((((gentle hugs))))

I'm so sorry.

Please don't be embarrassed and please, please don't leave.

November 9, 2008 at 8:58 PM  
Anonymous apathy lounge said...

I am so, SO sorry. Everyone is right. You need the blog if only to express what feelings you feel like expressing. We're here. We're thinking about you guys.

November 10, 2008 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger mental mosaic said...

I am so sorry, Prof. J. Please don't be embarrassed, there is no shame to be had in this at all. Hang in there. I love your blog and your voice and I think I speak for other readers of your blog when I say that we don't care if you need to vent, that's what friends are for, right? Take care! Hugs! ~Tui

November 10, 2008 at 9:14 PM  
Blogger Minnesota Matron said...

Love and support from the Matron, who just found out from the other half of the heartache. Sometimes the news is bad and that's when the community you're building here does GOOD!

November 11, 2008 at 12:41 PM  
Blogger Ginaagain said...

I'm terribly sorry to hear your sad news but I am so thankful that you didn't just delete your blog. I would have been so sad if you disappeared.

You deserve happiness. You will be in my thoughts.

November 11, 2008 at 10:02 PM  
Blogger Pearl C. Pritchard said...

Oh crap. Don't be embarrassed because it's happened to everyone. But it sucks and I'm really sorry to hear this.


November 12, 2008 at 5:11 AM  
Blogger Mike Golch said...

Bummer, sorry that happened.I'm glad that you did noy delete your blog.I would have missed you.Big time hugs my friend.

November 12, 2008 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

So sorry, loss and transition are so hard, but I'm glad you decided to stay in the community so we can support you. (hug)

November 12, 2008 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Scout said...

I'm sorry.

November 14, 2008 at 12:18 PM  
Anonymous BipolarLawyerCook said...

I am so, so sorry. And so sorry to have been absent until now. And keeping you in my thoughts for happy healing times with your BFF and other people who love you, even virtually.

November 22, 2008 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger Zenmomma said...

Please add my name to the long list of blogger friends who are there for you. I'm so sorry you have to go through the pain of a separation, but definitely don't be embarrassed for loving someone fully. That's a beautiful thing for however long it lasts.

I'm glad you decided to stick around. The internets needs you.

November 22, 2008 at 6:56 PM  
Blogger JCK said...

I'm so, so glad you didn't delete your blog. You are a part of a community of women who care about you. As you can see here with all the lovely comments.

December 4, 2008 at 12:24 AM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you and S ended your relationship- not easy to do.
I hope 2009 brings you better days.

December 9, 2008 at 8:50 PM  

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