Heidi's Coming (hide your heart girls) (apologies to Three Dog Night)
You all remember my BFF, Heidi
Well, we were talking the other day, and she said she really dreads this first Christmas without Eion. I understood. After all, I'm rather dreading the holidays (and my 50th birthday) without a partner, and we weren't together nearly as long. And S. , thankfully, is alive and well.
We both bemoaned the fact that neither of us could afford to travel to be with the other. Indeed, if Heidi could come here, she could see her sons and her other American friends.
So I got to thinking.
Could each of us afford half of the air fare and the dog boarding? I looked it up. I could. I called her. She could. And she could get off of work.
And so, Heidi's coming to San Antonio for my birthday, Christmas, and New Years!!!
And Michelle's talking about coming up after the first of the year, too. Yea!!!
Well, we were talking the other day, and she said she really dreads this first Christmas without Eion. I understood. After all, I'm rather dreading the holidays (and my 50th birthday) without a partner, and we weren't together nearly as long. And S. , thankfully, is alive and well.We both bemoaned the fact that neither of us could afford to travel to be with the other. Indeed, if Heidi could come here, she could see her sons and her other American friends.
So I got to thinking.
Could each of us afford half of the air fare and the dog boarding? I looked it up. I could. I called her. She could. And she could get off of work.
And so, Heidi's coming to San Antonio for my birthday, Christmas, and New Years!!!
And Michelle's talking about coming up after the first of the year, too. Yea!!!
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The 7 Stages of Grief
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
7 Stages of Grief...
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
And I'm sorry to hear about the split with Susan. Hope somebody wonderful is heading your way.