"I am playing with myself,
I am playing with the world's soul,
I am the dialogue between myself and el espiritu del mundo.
I change myself, I change the world."

Gloria AnzaldĂșa

06 May, 2013

Poetry Again

Last month, my dear friend Bluebird asked me to read some of my poetry on an evening celebrating national poetry month. I was glad that I could say I was just too sick to participate. That should have been a red flag for me. Then, my sweet friend scoured the web to find my poetry.

Last night, she asked me where I keep my poetry. And I told her the truth. I have no idea where the bulk of my poetry is. I knew I had kept folders in my computers over the years, and I knew I had several printed out. But I didn't know where any of it was. Why?

I'm afraid of it.

I'm ashamed of it.

This morning, I finally found a few of the poems I had printed out -- ten or twelve of them. Some of them feel unfinished. Some of them are self-indulgent. Some are just no good. But a few of them are good. And I wonder what would have happened if I had continued writing regularly.

Oh, I still occasionally sit down to write a poem--when nothing but a poem will do. But I have stifled my voice.  I wonder if that's why I can't breathe?

I see much of the world as poetry. It's my favorite thing to read, to revel in. So here is my promise to me. I will write poetry. Some of it bad, some of it self-indulgent, some of it good. And I will start a collection of my poems--one I can find when I'm looking for them. So this is the year of the poem for me. 

2 comments:

The Other Laura said...

Good for you, karen! A little poetry never hurt anybody...

Kelly Buchholz said...

Oh Karen, please do.